除了介紹Brahms成長的背景之外
令我感到比較沈重的部分是
著墨於為何他無法和女性擁有正常關係的部分

在十三歲的時候
身為鋼琴神童的他,因為必須分擔家計
被家人送去低俗的酒館彈鋼琴

-Johannes was Surrounded by the stench of beer and unwashed sailors and bad food, the din of rough laughter and drunkenness and raving obscenity. He had to accompany the bawdy songs, he had to turn around and look sometimes at the drunken sailors fondling the half-naked Singing Girls, and he had to participate sometimes, too. Between dances the women would sit the prepubescent teenager on their laps and pour beer into him, and pull down his pants and hand him around to be played with, to general hilarity. There may have been worse from the sailors. Johannes was as fair and pretty as a girl.-

-Everything that happens plays a part in an artist's life. What elevates one and not another to the level of genius is not only talent and ambition and luck, but a gift for turning everything to the purpose. Many first-rank creators have had traumas in their lives--Beethoven's drunken father and his chronic illness and deafness, Robert Schumann's mental decline, Bartok's sickly childhood. With Brahms, it was first of all the lowlife of Hamberg.-

-As he approched puberty, Brahms was steeped in an atmosphere where the deepest intimacies between men and women were a matter of ceaseless and shameful transaction. The sense of human relations haunted him for life. He felt intimacy as a threat, female sexuality as a threat. To preserve yourself, look away, get away! All his life Brahms would sustain a taste for whores and a deep-lying misogyny.-

-Brahms was driven beyound those dismal norms. As a grown man, he suffered from what Freud would name ''degradation in erotic life'': he had difficulty sleeping with women he loved, had difficulty loving women he slept with. In his relations with women he was possessed by the old, poisonous dichotomy of virgin and whore.-


充滿兩極化的成長過程中
(一方面跟著最有名的老師學鋼琴,另一方面卻在最低俗的地方求生存)
他個性上的不完整
使朋友與他相處起來更加艱難
也難怪總是能從他的音樂中
隱隱約約感受到他所經歷過的掙扎
無法結束的痛苦

-What tortured him was that he understood what he had gained and what he had lost, and he could never stop grieving for what he had lost.-
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